Rock the Talk® – Children With Disabilities
The Risk
Children with disabilities (most often physical, intellectual, neurological), have been identified to be at increased risk for sexual and physical abuse. Statistically, it is estimated that children with disabilities are potentially affected by sexual abuse and exploitation at a rate of 83%-90% for males and females, respectively.
Children is disabilities are at higher risk to experience other forms of abuse:
- physical (2.9-3.7 times more likely)*
- emotional abuse (3.4 – 3.8 times more likely)*
- neglect of care, hygiene, nourishment, etc. (2.9-3.7 times more likely)*
*American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children 2023 training
Such children are more dependent on a number of people to care for them in a variety of ways.
- Parents/Family/Caregivers
- 1:1 Aides
- Occupational Therapists
- Physical Therapists
- Behaviorists
- Speech Therapists
- Nurses
- Residential/Recreational Staff
- Transportation Staff
Factors that May Increase Risk
- Time invested by adults to prioritize safety – lack of awareness/resources for support
- Stress level of adults/caregivers – safety may be minimized as a stress response
- Quality of caregivers – are organizations properly vetting, training, setting standards of care, and compensating staff to maintain a high-quality level of staffing and prioritize safety?
- Ability to communicate personal rights & safety messaging to children – children with intellectual or neurological disabilities require more frequent/specific messaging
- Amount of dependence on others for personal care – using toilet, dressing, bathing etc.
- Children that are raised to be obedient, passive may be less likely to identify and disclose abuse
- Child’s ability to communicate – may need additional support (communication tools -tablet device/images/dolls, supportive/clear adult communication that does not create confusion or discouragement)
Children with disabilities are estimated to be sexually abused at a rate as high as 83-90%
Misconceptions
There are a few common misconceptions that even loving, protective parents and caregivers believe that can increase a family’s vulnerability to being preyed upon by an abuser. As first-line guardians for children, it is essential that we understand the issues as best we can, so we can understand what we’re up against.
- Children with disabilities are not sexual and do not need education in their sexuality. In fact, children with special needs may need more assistance understanding their developing body as they go through puberty and guidance in how to navigate their own sexuality in a way that is healthy, safe, and appropriate. Abuse may occur from peers or adults that seek to tease, bully, or groom children with pornography, sexual harass them, or commit assault by exploiting their lack of understanding and vulnerabilities. Education is power for special needs children so they can be prepared and feel confident in their own knowledge of their body and human sexuality and reproduction. This is even more true as they may seek romantic relationships and benefit from knowing what a loving, respectful relationship looks like.
- Children with disabilities are not a target for sexual predators. Some feel that children with special needs are less likely to be a target for predators because of their differences from atypical children, however ‘attraction’ is not what drives most sexual abusers – it’s opportunity, control, and cover. Abusers prey upon families and children where they feel they can manipulate the child and not face suspicion or exposure. Children with special needs face such a high rate of exploitation because of their increased reliance for others to care for them and cognitive and communication challenges that may make it harder for them to identify an abusive situation and tell a protective adult. Abuse can occur when a child is being buckled into a transportation van, when they need assistance bathing or using the toilet, or even in a seemingly normal visit with family with a trusted relative who exploits a close relationship to perpetrate an assault.
- Organizations and schools that serve special needs children are doing everything to protect children in their care. While it is often required to perform background checks on employees who work with children (but not necessarily volunteers, FYI) most perpetrators will pass a background check. Only a small fraction of sexual predators are ever convicted of their crimes, so while background checks are important, they are not a complete abuse prevention guarantee. Any organization working with children should have open policies, procedures, and trainings for their staff to build awareness, reduce risk, and prioritize proper reporting.
Prioritizing Safety
Children with disabilities are sexually abused because of the individuals they come in contact with, be it family and friends or caregivers and assistants within the organizations that serve them. Abusers are either opportunity makers meaning they seek out opportunities to abuse children, or opportunity takers that find themselves in a situation where they could abuse children and take advantage of the child and situation. (You can read more on this through our Understanding Abusers page.) This means as parents and guardians we must, unfortunately, treat everyone who interacts with our children as someone who may pose a risk – even people we’ve known before our children were born. Conversely, it is important that other protective adults are aware of the risks and measures that can be taken to improve safety for children.
Step One – Build Body Safety Circles
Any person caring for or interacting with people with disabilities, should be educated in body safety and should know how to promote safe behaviors and reduce risk for abuse. They should understand the importance of their safety and value our concerns for creating an environment that empowers them to know their rights.
In many cases, abuse of children is perpetrated by someone their age (when it is a deliberate act of force/manipulation) or someone older (the law considers an age difference of 3-4 year minimum a requirement to consider an act sexual abuse between juveniles). However, those with mental disabilities and communication challenges will also be at risk of sexual abuse by those younger than them. Juveniles that are going through puberty or are past puberty may identify an older child or even an adult with special needs as a target, which is why we cannot exclude children from being educated in appropriate, safe, respectful behaviors either.
It is essential to be very open with those caring for and interacting with children as to what behaviors are appropriate and how to promote bodily autonomy. With every child, these rules may be different because of their abilities, but coming up with a safety plan and writing it out, posting reminders around your home, school, care center etc,. You can visit our previous sections on Protecting Infants and Toddlers, Grade School children, and Teens and identify how these steps can be applied to your child and the situation.
Step Two – Educating Your Child
Education of proper terms for body parts, promoting privacy, and appropriate behavior shouldn’t be a once-in-a-while conversation for a child with special needs, it will likely need to be communicated daily. All children are different and the ways we communicate with them and teach them will vary based on what works best for them, but here are some tips we’ve put together:
- Using only proper words for genitalia whenever we are referring to these parts: penis, scrotum, vulva, anus, breasts
- Promoting self care when possible – teaching the child to wipe themselves after using the toilet or wash their own bodies, if possible that the child pulls down and up their underwear, and that we only touch those areas of their body when they need our help to stay clean.
- Teaching what it means to be naked or nude and that these are situations that should be private and out of sight of others
- Adhering to rules of keeping private parts private – that we minimize situations where our children or our ourselves are naked
- Mouths are also private – children should know that body parts of others should not enter their mouth either, unless for self care (brushing/flossing) or medical reasons.
- Kissing is a closed-mouth sign of affection – abusers may use open mouth kissing as part of a their grooming process
- Promoting privacy even if we are present with our child – closing the door when they are using the bathroom or changing clothes, wearing a robe when people are in between bathing/dressing or they don’t feel like wearing regular clothes
- Teaching privacy places – places where people should have privacy and where it’s OK for them to be nude/naked when appropriate – bathroom/bedroom
- Teaching the difference between secrets and surprises – to help children identify situations that may become unsafe or weaken our bond with them.
- Using visual aids to reinforce where our genitalia are located and keeping these parts private by covering them with underwear, bathing suits, etc. (e.g. with a doll, using books, communication cards)
As all children are curious about the human body especially at a young age, they may not understand the importance of keeping privates private, it is likely that children are not going to be very interested in following some of the rules of body safety. Reinforcing these concepts with patience, love, and open conversation is essential so that children do not feel fear, shame, or embarrassment if they need to tell us about a situation. If we act with frustration, anger, or disappointment when they don’t do what we want, the odds increase they will hesitate to tell us when they truly need help. We never want any child to feel that we will be anything less than ready to listen, support, and guide them through the challenges of life.
Teaching children consent can be challenging, as there will likely be times that we will need to override what they want in order to do what is necessary. Keeping children clean – changing diapers, brushing teeth, changing clothes, a medical exam etc., are common situations which may upset a child and make them feel that they are not in charge of their bodies.
Reinforcing that these are necessary tasks and supporting their right to consent for unnecessary interactions – hugging, kissing, tickling, holding, sharing a toy etc., can help them distinguish between the two. Making sure that a caring adult is always present when someone they don’t really know well needs to interact with them(like a doctor, dentist, or barber) and letting them know it’s OK because you are there.
Additionally, it is important for all children to understand that consent isn’t just about their own bodies, but others as well. Reinforcing that it’s important for them to ask others if it’s OK to give a hug, kiss, etc. is also essential just as they have a right to say “no” or decline being affectionate with others. Some children may be so used to not asking for hugs with the people they see often that they don’t realize new acquaintances may not want to hug or kiss, etc.
Children of all abilities begin puberty at a range of ages, starting as early as age 8 for girls. Preparing children for the changes that will be occurring with their body, including sexual feelings/urges is important for their own safety and to promote safe and respectful behavior towards others.
Children at this age and even younger, will likely be exposed to a variety of messages that conflict with protective lessons regarding bodily autonomy, privacy, and consent. Advertisements on TV & the internet, magazine covers, movies and tv shows – it seems there are so many programs rated for children that use nudity for a source of humor. Adolescents and adults may purposely show pornography to children or adults with special needs to find humor in their reaction or to purposely groom them. Preparing children for the possibility of seeing pornography can help empower them to understand that these images do not depict healthy, loving, respectful behavior.
Being open and honest about human reproduction is important to help children and young adults understand the biological functions of sexual intercourse, not simply the physical aspects of stimulation and pleasure. We live in a world where the physical benefits of sexual stimulation are seen as ‘needs’ and yet the biological/emotional connection of the relationship between the two people being intimate is being downplayed – something that has had a tremendously negative impact on those who use pornography or treat sexual encounters as a ‘transaction’.
Step Three – Minimizing Risk
By educating every juvenile and adult who cares for or is in close contact with our child, we’re sending a signal right away that we’re vigilant and aware of the risk for abuse. Predators not only prey upon their child targets, but they also work to gain a sense of the protective nature of the adults around that child. Those we trust with our children, especially organizations should have specific training, protocol for reducing risk, and clear and supporting policies for reporting inappropriate or abusive behavior. Centers that work with children with special needs should share their protective measure with parents, and be very open about their policies and training. If this information is not openly shared, it is prudent that we ask to learn more about their steps to reduce risk of abuse.
These rules may include:
- Establish rules for increasing supervision and minimizing or eliminating 1:1 situations – do care providers require at least 2 adults be together in the presence of children?
- Are rooms easily observable and situations easily interruptible by others? (Doors and rooms with windows, use of video monitoring/recording). Video monitoring is especially important when children are being transported in a bus, or in areas that are not in open view of others.
- Participation in annual training and refresher courses in abuse prevention, and clear promotion of policies and proper procedures as reminders throughout the building/grounds.
- Create clear rules to eliminate behaviors that could be construed as grooming: tickling, asking children to keep secrets, gifts without receiving permission from the child’s guardian, making inappropriate comments/jokes etc.
- Taking time to assess those that a
Step Four – Body Safety Check-ins
Children with special needs that spend time with peers, caregivers, or in group situations will likely benefit from frequent body safety check-ins, possibly on a daily basis, especially if they attend school or go to a care center. The more people that they are around, the greater the risk for inappropriate or abusive behavior. Questions should be asked casually as part of any conversation we may have with our child after spending time with others. A quiet time when they feel relaxed and are away from others, like bedtime or during a snack after coming home, may be the best time to check-in. As a caregiver, you know your child best – keeping open communication is important, if your child feels interrogated or is irritated by too many questions, prioritize the bond with your child over the desire to ask more questions.
Some suggestions may be (and again, you do not need to ask all of these questions each time):
- What did you do?
- Did you have fun?
- Did you do anything different or new?
- Did you meet anyone new?
- Did anyone help you use the bathroom?
- Did you play any games?
- Did anyone take your picture or show you pictures?
- Did anyone touch you on your private areas: Penis, vulva, buttocks, chest, mouth?
- Remind the child of body safety rules: we do not share privates, no one should touch your privates, we do not keep secrets, we give people privacy when they are using the toilet or are changing clothes.
Suspected and Disclosed Abuse
Even with the most stringent efforts to protect children, abuse can occur. If you suspect your child may be showing signs of abuse, it’s important to ask open-ended questions and allow the child to speak without making suggestions on what may or may not have happened. Speaking with your local child advocacy center or adult advocacy center geared towards those with disabilities can help guide you in the best steps to take. In many cases, they may want to interview the child without you asking any further questions to avoid any possible confusion over the authenticity of the child’s disclosure. No matter how much you may want to, you do not want to address the identified perpetrator or those who may speak with them.
Organizations such as Mothers of Sexually Abused Children offer resources for support for parents struggling with the aftermath of abuse. Reporting and investigating can be a challenging and seemingly unproductive process, even more so for children with special needs as not all forensic interviewers, investigators, and district attorney offices are going to be familiar with best practices for children with special needs. It is very possible they may not seek to move forward with an investigation or trial due to lack of evidence, this can feel devastating. RAINN.org, National Disability Rights Network, and Communities Against Violence Network can assist in identifying resources for reporting and victim advocacy.
Other organizations that we follow on this issue are Voices of Change, Worth the Conversation, and Disability without Abuse Project